An Open Letter to The 1Ls Who Walk Slowly and In Groups Five People Wide

Dear Assholes,

Look, I understand. Law school is like, hard and stuff. And the weight of the world (and impending exams) must rest heavily on those wee shoulders. Not to mention the 50 lbs of books you carry around.* It must make every step a feat of strength, what with all that new knowledge building up in your little, weary head.

But I am not a 1L. I am a 3L. And as such, you can safely assume that, if I am on campus, I am most definitely, without a doubt, late for something. Thus, I do not want to plod along behind you, listening to your best studying tips. All I want- all I really, really want, in this whole wide world- is for you to MOVE. OUT. OF. MY. WAY.

There is no need, NO NEED, for you to talk while standing in a line. I do not get this. Do you not realize that communication would be easier if you stood in the more appropriate, much more considerate formation of rows? Look, here’s a helpful drawing:


Why do you not get this? I'm looking, and I'm trying to understand. But I do not.

In conclusion, please try to make me want to kick you less. Thanks.

Love,
Cella

* Can I just note I have one textbook this year? This is why I’m a 3L, cuz I’ve been doin’ this for 2 years now and doin’ it well.

G as in Jesus

Ahhhh.

That’s me floating around on my post-Wes Anderson happiness cloud.

The Darjeeling Limited is out and you kinda have to go see it, like, right now. It’s so pretty and lovely and of the 91 minutes, there are at least 85 of Adrian Brody pouting and that in itself is a great movie.

Seriously though, if you don’t like Anderson movies, you’re not going to like this. But out of his work, I think I put this #2 on my list, right after Royal Tenenbaums which may always be one of my favorite movies ever of all time ever. TF is appalled that I’m putting it before Rushmore, but I am. Life Aquatic, you can come fourth. Or maybe I’ll put you fifth after Bottle Rocket. I don’t know, I’ll get back to you.

Speaking of lists, TF and I spent a good long while sitting in a bar, trying to come up with our top ten Elton John songs. I really have no idea why we did, or why it was so pressing and urgent that we do it then, in a local bar. But we did. Here is mine.

1. Little Jeannie
2. Tiny Dancer
3. Your Song
4. This Train Don’t Stop There Anymore
5. Levon
6. Don’t Go Breakin My Heart
7. I Guess That’s Why they Call it the Blues
8. Sad Songs (Say So Much)
9. Something About the Way You Look Tonight
10. Step into Christmas